Sunday, January 17, 2010

In South America....

1. Broken bottles cemented atop a wall is your security system.
2. All men sleep on buses no matter how poor the roads.
3. People have great hair.
4. Virgins are cool.
5. Women miraculously walk in stiletto heels on cobble stone streets.
6. Purchasing a bus ticket does not always entitle you to a place to sit.
7. Inkacola tastes like bubble gum.
8. Track suits are school uniforms.
9. Overnight buses show horror movies right before you are supposed to go to sleep.
10. Dirty or scratched coins are not accepted
11. Llamas wear sunglasses and pose for photos.
12. You have to decide when is the right time to kick a dog.
13. Every window on the bus is a trash can.
14. Stupid tourists buy digoridoos at indiginous Andean markets.
15. Cultural differences in sidewalk etiquette make crowded city navigation difficult.
16. A 9 seat van holds 21.
17. Every item gets its own plastic bag.
18. The claws of chicken feet break the surface as the level of your soup drops.
19. Distance is measured in time instead of kilometers.
20. Except at banks lines are unacknowledged.
21. Machu Picchu has the only soda fountain in the Andes.
22. There is only one type of cheese.
23. Prices are not fixed and never indicated (except in Chile).
24. It is cheaper to eat at a resturant then to cook for yourself (except Chile).
25. Water is electrically heated in the shower head; which is shocking when not installed correctly.
26. No one has change.
27. Directions are given with a series of hand gestures and repeated ¨por alla¨.
28. At each hostel you must register your passport number and list your occupation, but no one seems to notice if you are a ´rock star´or ´sex machine´.
29. No meal is complete without at least one liter of soda.
30. All grass areas in parks are fenced off and strictly not for walking on.
31. In Bolivia the fuel we use for our stove in also the poor man´s drink of choice, (192 proof ethenol).
32. In Colombia, a leading coffee producer, everyone drinks instant coffee. In Ecuador, a leading cocao producer, the chocolate is terrible; all the good stuff is exported to Switzerland.
33. Look with extreme skeptisism upon the phrase, ¨We have hot water 24 hour a day¨.
34. On Sundays, nothing but God´s store is open.
35. Boxed wine and bottled wine are the same quality and cost.
36. Always, at minimum, double the recomended amount of water for powdered drink mixes.

Typical Local/Tourist exchange:
Brad: (in Spanish) What flavors of soft serve icecream do you have?
Icecream Lady: Chocolate and peach.
Brad: Can I have a cone of just chocolate?
Icecream Lady: Chocolate?
Brad: Yes, chocolate.
Icecream Lady: Here you are. (handing Brad the cone)
Brad: (After paying and taking his first bite) This is peach.
Icecream Lady: Yes, I ran out of chocolate.
Brad: So you only have peach?
Icecream Lady: Yes, only peach.
Brad and Anika walk away laughing.

Most common exchange in South America:
Local: What is your name?
Brad: Brad.
Local: Bratt.
Brad: No, Brad.
Local: Brett.
Brad: Brad.
Local: Like Brad Pitt?
Brad: Yes, like Brad Pitt.
Local: (very excitedly) Ohhh! Yes Brad Pitt.



-Brad and Anika

7 comments:

  1. Haha! Very funny post.

    Speaking of chicken feet... One of our chicks grew up to be a rooster and we ate him! He was good. I thought about making chicken feet soup, but that was taking it a bit too far... Is it good?

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  2. Thanks for all the great pictures and descriptions. You both make each place come alive. Alanna

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  3. hey guys! where are you?? and when are you going to be in argentina?? i just looked through your chile pictures again and went a little crazy commenting...my way of interacting with you guys somehow!

    keep up the awesome entries and hopefully i'll be seeing you sooooooooon!

    -megs

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  4. These are all so true! No one EVER had change, and I remember viewing Scarface on a bus when there were lots of small children on board.

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  5. you are amazing....
    and you are missed.
    Waiting here in the rain, for my turn to follow in your footsteps. Or better yet... to take my own irregular path.
    Be safe and write a lot!

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  6. Hey Rock Stars and Sex Machines! I miss you guys!

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  7. The ladies in stilettos on cobblestones reminds me of Italy. The shoes were so fancy and the paving so ancient!

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